Relational dialectics is an interpersonal communication theory about close personal ties and relationships that highlights the tensions, struggles and interplay between contrary tendencies. The theory, proposed respectively by Leslie Baxter and Barbara Montgomery in 1988, defines communication patterns between relationship partners as the result of endemic dialectical tensions.
When making decisions, desires and viewpoints that often contradict one another are brought up and lead to dialectical tensions.
 Leslie A. Baxter and  Barbara M. Montgomery exemplify these 
contradictory statements that arise from individuals experience 
dialectal tensions using common proverbs such as "opposites attract", 
but "birds of a feather flock together"; as well as, "two's company; 
three's a crowd" but "the more the merrier".
 This does not mean these opposing tensions are fundamentally 
troublesome for the relationship; on the contrary, they simply bring 
forward a discussion of the connection between two parties.
The relational dialectic is an elaboration on Mikhail Bakhtin's idea that life is an open monologue and humans experience collisions between opposing desires and needs within relational communications. Baxter includes a list of dialectical tensions that reminds us that relationships are constantly changing, and that successful and satisfying relationships require constant attention. Although Baxter's description of relational dialectics is thorough, it by no means is exact or all inclusive since we all experience different tensions in different ways.
The relational dialectic is an elaboration on Mikhail Bakhtin's idea that life is an open monologue and humans experience collisions between opposing desires and needs within relational communications. Baxter includes a list of dialectical tensions that reminds us that relationships are constantly changing, and that successful and satisfying relationships require constant attention. Although Baxter's description of relational dialectics is thorough, it by no means is exact or all inclusive since we all experience different tensions in different ways.
History
Relational dialectics is the emotional and value-based version of the philosophical dialectic.  It is rooted in the dynamism of the yin and yang.
  Like the classic yin and yang, the balance of emotional values in a 
relationship is always in motion, and any value pushed to its extreme 
contains the seed of its opposite.
In the Western world, these ideas hark back to the Greek philosopher Heraclitus,
 who held that the world was in constant flux (like fire), with creative
 and destructive forces on both sides of every process. Mikhail Bakhtin, a Russian scholar most known for his work in dialogism, applied Marxist dialectic
 to literary and rhetorical theory and criticism.  He illustrated the 
tensions that exists in the deep structure of all human experience.
 For example, he identified that the tension that exists between unity 
and difference. Bakhtin conceived the human dialectic as two forces 
analogous to the physical forces centripetal (emotional forces tending towards unity) and centrifugal (emotional forces tending towards divergence). Like the Yin and Yang, Bakhtin's forces have no ultimate resolution.
Baxter took the deep structural analysis of Bakhtin and applied 
it to communication theory.  She found a T-Bangha of axes where this 
dynamic tension operated.  Later authors have added other axes.
Approaches to Relational Dialectics
The monologic approach frames contradictions as either/or, the dualistic approach frames contradictions as two separate entities, and the dialectic approach contends that multiple points of view play off one another in every contradiction (both/and).
Core concepts and assumptions
There
 are four main concepts that form the backdrop of relational dialectics,
 as well as four major assumptions. Relational dialectics assumes that 
"(1.) relationships are not linear, (2.) relational life is 
characterized by change, (3.) contradiction is the fundamental fact of 
relational life, and (4.) communication is central to organizing and 
negotiating relational contradictions".
The four core concepts of relational dialectics include: contradiction, totality, process, and praxis.
Contradictions are the core concept of relational 
dialectics. It is the dynamic interplay between unified oppositions. A 
contradiction is formed "whenever two tendencies or forces are 
interdependent (unity) yet mutually negate one another (negation)". For example, in a relationship one can simultaneously desire intimacy and distance. 
Totality suggests that contradictions in a relationship 
are part of a unified whole and cannot be understood in isolation. In 
other words, the dialectics cannot be separated and are intrinsically 
related to each other. For example, the tension between dependence and 
interdependence cannot be separated from the tension between openness 
and privacy — both work to condition and define the other.
Process Relational dialectics must be understood in terms of social processes.
 Movement, activity, and change are functional properties 
(Rawlins,1989). For example, instances such as an individual fluctuating
 between disclosure and secretiveness. In addition, the individual may 
move between periods of honest and open communication (Miller, 2002, 
2005).
Praxis is a philosophical term for the concept of 
'practical behavior' or sometimes 'the experience of practicing'.  In 
praxis the dialectic tensions are created and re-created through the 
active participation and interaction.  In other words, the practical 
experience of having a relationship exposes one to the imposition of the
 needs and value of another.  As the relationship endures one's own 
needs and values become apparent.  Praxis focuses on the practical 
choices individuals make in the midst of the opposing needs and values 
(dialectical tensions). In turn, the choices and actions themselves 
create, re-create, and change the nature of the relationship and hence 
the dialectical tensions themselves.
Research has recommended theories which further dialectical 
understanding in relationships, such as in the marriage, in the 
workplace, etc. Relational dialectics further includes the idea of 
Contextual Dialectics, or rather, the idea that every relationship 
exists within a specific place within a specific culture. From there we 
also see the raise of public and private/real and ideal dialectics and 
the interplay between what we see on television in public life, versus 
what experience within our private lives. Examples of this include 
politicians as well as TV shows. According to West and Turner, "the 
tension of the real and ideal dialectic is featured when we think of 
television shows like Leave It to Beaver:  We receive an idealized 
message of what family life is like, and then when we look at the 
families we live in, we have to contend with the troublesome realities 
of family life. The tension between these two images forms this 
dialectic".
Dialectics
According to the original relational dialectic model, there were many core tensions (opposing values) in any relationship.
 These are autonomy and connectedness, favoritism and impartiality, 
openness and closedness, novelty and predictability, instrumentality and
 affection, and finally, equality and inequality. 
Autonomy and connectedness refers to the desire to have ties and 
connections with others versus the need to separate oneself as a unique 
individual. An example of autonomy and connectedness would be an 
athlete, who wants to feel like they are part of a team but also wanting
 to highlight their individual talents. Favoritism and impartiality 
refers to the desire to be treated fairly and impartially versus the 
desire to be seen and known as "special". For instance, a professor may 
want to be impartial by creating an attendance policy but makes 
exceptions for students who participate in class and have good grades, 
demonstrating favoritism. Openness and closedness refers to the desire 
to be open and divulge information versus the desire to be exclusive and
 private. When chatting with a boss about one's weekend, there is the 
desire to be open, however, closedness is also at play, as certain 
details are often left out, because of the context. Novelty and 
predictability suggest that there is a desire for the relationship to be
 predictable versus the desire for it to be original and new. When 
creating scheduled meetings for board members, the predictability may 
lie in a fixed schedule, however the novelty may be in scheduling a 
varying number of locations to peak interests as well as inspiration. 
Instrumentality and affection, is the desire for affection to be genuine
 versus the desire for affection to be motivated by benefits and 
perceived advantages of the relationship. An example of this would be 
being in a romantic relationship based on love and affection, but 
maintaining it for benefits such as financial security. Finally, 
equality and inequality refers to the desire to be considered as equals 
versus the desire to develop levels of superiority. A female in the 
military may seek treatment equivalent to that received by her male 
colleagues, but requires special barracks and adjusted assignments.
According to the theory, while most of us may embrace the ideals 
of closeness, certainty, and openness in our relationships, the 
communication is not a straight path towards these goals. Conflicts 
often produce the exact opposites.
| Internal dialect (within the relationship) | External dialect (between couple and community) | |
|---|---|---|
| Integration–Separation | Connection–Autonomy | Inclusion–Seclusion | 
| Stability–Change | Certainty–Uncertainty | Conventionality–Uniqueness | 
| Expression–Nonexpression | Openness–Closedness | Revelation–Concealment | 
The table shows typical dialectical tensions experienced by 
relational partners based on research done by Baxter and Montgomery 
showing contrasting efforts in two different ways. The column that 
displays examples of Internal Dialect shows "ongoing tensions played out
 within a relationship". The column that displays examples of External Dialect shows "ongoing tensions between a couple and their community".
Integration–separation is "a class of relational dialectics that includes connection–autonomy, inclusion–seclusion, and intimacy–independence." Some individual autonomy must be given up to connect to others.
Stability–change is "a class of relational dialectics that
 includes certainty–uncertainty, conventionally–uniqueness, 
predictability–surprise, and routine–novelty."
 Things must be consistent but not mundane. There must be a balance 
between the expected and unexpected in order to keep a relationship.
Expression–nonexpression is "a class of relational 
dialectics that includes openness–closedness, revelation–concealment, 
candor–secrecy, and transparency–privacy".
 In a relationship, it is important to keep some things between the two 
parties, while other parts of the relationship are okay to allow the 
public to know about.
Dialectics in relationships
According
 to Michaela Meyer, "relational dialectics theory exposes tensions 
within interpersonal relationships while at the same time it assumes a 
continual maintenance and repair of these tensions. As a result, 
relational dialectics theory is incredibly useful for defining how 
tensions are managed within relationships." Extensive research has been done regarding the role dialectical tensions play in relationships, as well as the various factors that influence the tensions and the degree to which they affect the relationship.
 Through studies of romantic relationships, long distance relationships,
 friendships, and family relationships, researchers have observed the 
existence and frequency of certain dialectical tensions within various 
types of relationships.
According to Marsha Linehan, founder of DBT or Dialectical 
Behavior Therapy, some people have great difficulty resolving the 
dialectic tensions that arise in relationships.  Many people with 
personality disorders, potentially caused or made worse by dysfunctional
 upbringing, especially Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) and some 
others, perpetually vascilate between the poles of the dialectic 
conflict, with resulting instability causing problems in living that are
 not mediated by other therapy modalities. In DBT's biosocial theory, 
some people "have a biological predisposition for emotional 
dysregulation, and their social environment validates maladaptive 
behavior. 
Romantic relationships
A study of 25 heterosexual
 married couples was designed to determine what types of dialectical 
tensions were most prevalent in antagonistic conflicts between spouses. 
Larry Erbert found that the Openness v. Closedness dialectic was most 
commonly referenced through examples by participants. Research conducted
 by Baxter and Montgomery confirmed this finding, and broke the 
dialectic down into four subcategories to further analyze its existence 
in romantic relationships.
- Openness with: Refers to an individual's self-disclosure of information to another. In this idea, three types of information are shared: information deemed to be personal, the individuals feelings or personal opinions, and information regarding one individual's relationship with the other.
 - Openness To: Often this form of openness is labeled as being attentive or responsive. People respond in cognitive, affective, and behavioral ways.
 - Closedness with: Describes the type of nondisclosive talk that occurs between individuals. It is most often identified as "small talk", being primarily superficial. The talk is oriented around conversation that requires little or no self-disclosure, allowing for a controlled level informational privacy.
 - Closedness to: Some people experience stress and discomfort when listening to others' problems. In response to this, some individuals attempt to distance themselves in order to discourage others from confiding in them.
 
Research has been conducted to examine the autonomy-connection 
dialectic when dealing with termination of romantic relationships. In 
Erin Sahlestein and Tim Dun's study they found that, "participants' 
joint conversations and their breakup accounts reflect the two basic 
forms of contradiction. Both antagonistic and non-antagonistic struggles
 were evident in these data".
 Furthermore, the study discovered that while normally break-ups are 
retroactively studied, the autonomy-connection dialectic is actually in 
full swing throughout the termination process as opposed to previous 
thought of as a move from connection to autonomy.
A study
 measuring the display of symbols by lesbian couples, revealed that 
while same-sex couples experience similar challenges that opposite-sex 
partners do, there are unique challenges that arise to these same-sex 
couples. These unique problems in turn give rise to unique dialectical 
tensions within the relationship.
Re-marriage
In a study that focused on dialectics in second marriages, six tensions unique to remarriages emerged.
Three tensions related to the remarried dyad:
- Old-new - Many participants found that within their new marriage, the individuals brought with them ideas and expectations based on their previous, or "old," marriages. However, participants recognized that they had since entered a "new" marriage, which would not necessarily carry over the previous old expectations or experiences.
 - Emotional closeness-distance - Participants expressed feelings of both emotional closeness and emotional distance with their new partners. While participants found that they experienced emotional closeness with their second spouse, they also found that either they or their new spouse had other close friends or family with whom they were close to.
 - Past-present - Many participants found that they do not discuss prior relationships, or other things that relate to the past, with their new partners. Yet, the new couples remained open about issues and topics related to their present life.
 
Three tensions also emerged from the remarried dyad and their social networks:
- Their time frame-our time frame - Many participants expressed feeling tensions between adhering to a time frame that felt right to the individual, while acknowledging the expectations that they sensed from their friends and family members in regards to what an appropriate relationship and re-marriage time frame would be.
 - Dyadic revelation-network revelation - Participants found that they desired to share information with their social network, however, sometimes their partner did not desire them to share such information with that particular network, resulting in tensions among participants to decide between revealing to their partner and revealing information to their social network.
 - Old-new - Participants identified the tension that was created through interactions with friends and family from the "old" marriage while being in the "new" marriage. Participants managed this tension primarily through recalibration and reaffirmation, where participants recognized that both sides had to be present in order for the relationship to exist.
 
Long distance relationships
Based on research by Sahlstein,
 the uncertainty v. certainty dialectic is the most prevailing dialectic
 found in long-distance relationships. Her work exposed uncertainty v. 
certainty as a competing yet complementary need. In interviews conducted
 with couples engaged in long distance relationships, contradictions 
emerged. For example, couples were found to plan interactions in order 
to obtain a level of spontaneity. Within this, three different forms of 
the praxis of relational dialectics emerged:
- Segmentation - referred to the partners' ability to live separate, independent lives when they were not together.
 - Balance - referred to the couple's ability to plan conversations about the future of the relationship.
 - Denial - referring to the couple's refusal to admit the effect distance is having on the relationship.
 
Friendships
William Rawlins has examined the role of relational dialectics in regard to friendships.  The tension of instrumentality v. affection was found to be the most central to this type of relationship.
 Within friendships, importance is placed on the ability to discern the 
level of affection for "real" friendships opposed to instrumentality for
 "fake" friendships. Aristotle's
 "friendship of virtue" notion of caring for friends without 
instrumental purposes exemplifies this point. The dichotomy of 
instrumentality v. affection cannot be ignored within friendships, as 
affection may be offered in order to receive instrumental aid from 
friends. This interweaving of concepts is what distinguishes different 
types of friendships. While this remains true, the subjectivity of the 
friends in question ultimately determines the outcome of how heavily 
instrumentality v. affection is applied. 
In the workplace
Blended Relationships are close friends that are a 
part of the same work environment. Dialectical tensions occur in 
organizations as individuals attempt to balance their roles as employees
 while maintaining established friendships within their occupations. It 
is not necessary, however, to have a friend in organizations to 
experience dialectical contradictions. Stress occurs frequently on the 
individual level as human needs and desires oppose.
- Impartiality vs. Favoritism: Friends within organizations desire to provide each other with special support and assistance but organizations strive for equitable treatment and discourage bias.
 - Openness vs. Closedness: It is a tendency of close friends to be open and honest with one another, but organizations often expect a level of confidentiality that places strain on friendships that value the sharing of information.
 - Novelty and Predictability: Feeling excited about a restructuring of your organization but anxious since it may interrupt your routine and put stress on your current relationships.
 - Instrumentality and Affection: Inviting a coworker to lunch with the intention of asking for support on a project at work.
 
Family relationships
Sibling relationships
Relational dialectics can be applied when considering the 
significant change in family life that siblings experience when one 
sibling moves out of the family home for the first time as part of the 
transition into adulthood.
 As one sibling begins a new phase of life, this change is often 
accompanied by new friendships or romantic relationships that occur in 
his/her new lifestyle, along with a new geographic separation, both of 
which result in a change in communication. As the newly absent sibling 
begins a new lifestyle beyond his/her home, the pre-existing sibling 
relationship goes through various changes and transitions.
In a study
 conducted on discursive struggles among siblings experiencing 
transition, all participants acknowledged that moving away from their 
sibling(s) resulted in a discursive struggle between the old and new meanings in the sibling relationship. Two specific discursive struggles were identified:
- Old relationship-new relationship - For many siblings, family rituals were not continued upon moving out, resulting in a change in relationship and a feeling of missing out, emphasizing the changes that occur during the transition from an old relationship into new ones.
 - Certainty-uncertainty - Participants found that the change from seeing a sibling regularly to not seeing him/her often resulted in feelings of uncertainty, resulting in an identity shift in the relationship and supporting the discursive struggle of certainty-uncertainty.
 
While participants addressed the varying tensions involved with 
lifestyle transitions, 8 of the 19 participants in the study expressed 
that moving away from their sibling strengthened their connection and 
appreciation for their brother(s) and/or sister(s). 
Children and stepparents
In a study focusing on the adult stepchild perceptions of communication in the stepchild-stepparent relationship, three contradictions were found to be experienced by the stepchildren participants:
- Dialectics of emotional distance-closeness - While many stepchildren expressed feelings of emotional distance, the participants had varying reasons for keeping the distance. Some participants who still had a positive relationship with their nonresidential parent kept an emotional distance from their stepparent as an act of loyalty that they felt toward their nonresidential parent. Other participants equated emotional distance to the fact that they had little in common with their stepparent. However, many participants expressed feeling some closeness with a stepparent while maintaining an amount of emotional distance. Participants reported that they upheld a relationship with the stepparent that contained honesty, respect, and trust, yet they kept an emotional distance by continuing to address the stepparent by his/her first name, or simply claiming that each individual was very different from the other, causing tension in an effort to promote emotional closeness.
 - Stepparent status - Many of the stepchildren in the study also experienced a dialectical tension between desiring for the family authority position to be designated to their one residential parent along with a desire for both the residential parent and the stepparent to share parenting authority. Many participants felt that legitimating their stepparent as a parent would result in the formation of closeness.
 - Expression - The participants expressed a desire for open communication with their stepparent, while at the same time, expressing resistance to openness and instead favoring a more careful form of communication due to the fact that the participants often sensed a lack of familiarity with their stepparent.
 
In another study,
 researchers aimed to identify the contradictions that were perceived by
 stepchildren when characterizing the ways that familial interactions 
caused them to feel caught in the middle between parents. The 
participants expressed that they wanted to be centered in the family 
while, at the same time, they hoped to avoid being caught in the middle 
of two opposing parents. The main contradiction identified in the study 
was similar to the autonomy-connection dialectic; stepchildren desired 
the freedom to communicate and enact the desired relationship with their
 parents. However, these stepchildren also felt the need to manage the 
constraints that resulted from parental communication, particularly when
 both parents did not cooperate with one another. While the stepchildren
 wanted to know what was happening, at the same time, they also wanted 
to be protected, resulting in a second dialectic of control-restraint. 
Through this study, the researchers believe that openness-closeness 
dialectic between parents and their children is important to building 
functional step-family relationships. 
One study,
 focused on the relationship and communication between college-aged 
stepchildren and their nonresidential parents, found two underlying 
contradictions: parenting and not parenting, and openness and closeness.
 Many participants expressed that they wanted their nonresidential 
parent to be actively involved in parenting them but did not desire it 
once they were. Participants also expressed that while they wanted open 
and intimate communication with their nonresidential parents, they felt 
that they could not closely communicate because of the nonresidential 
parent's lack of familiarity with the child's everyday life.
Theory applications
End of life care
Relational dialectics theory can be applied to the context of health care, specifically end-of-life care, providing a system for caregiver
 communication that contains tensions and challenges. The quality of the
 end-of-life journey is influenced by how these tensions are managed.
 Relational dialectics theory is an applicable framework for 
investigating the ongoing communication between physicians and their 
patients/family members during the process of end-of-life care.
When making choices about end-of-life medical care, family 
members, friends, or surrogate decision makers often experience feelings
 of tension and burden. Decision-makers must deal with the relational and moral tensions that come with such decision-making.
 Family members in charge of making end-of-life decisions often face 
conflicting emotions between holding on and letting go; recognizing the 
need to let a patient go while wanting to continue fighting to keep a 
loved one alive.
In a study
 that focused on the communication tensions perceived among the Maori 
culture during the end-of-life journey, it was found that despite the 
culture's focus on collectivism and its emphasis on harmony, four 
communication tensions existed between caregivers (family and friends) 
and patients: autonomy and connection, conflict and connection, 
isolation and connection, and balancing the needs of self and other.
Grief
The human grieving
 process is marked by relational dialectics. After the death of a child,
 bereaved parents often experience tension between presence and absence 
by grieving their child's permanent absence while still experiencing an 
emotional bond toward the deceased child.
 Bereaved parents may also experience tension between openness and 
closeness, where they desire to discuss their feelings with friends or 
family, yet they are hesitant to share because of the potentially 
negative reactions they could receive.
One study,
 aimed at focusing on how families make sense of contradictory 
discourses, found two discursive contradictions: family members' wishes 
vs. patient's wishes, and emotionality vs. rationality.
 Through interviews with participants who had experienced the loss of a 
loved one, researchers concluded that many of the end of life decisions 
made by family members, patients, and doctors were centered on making 
sense of the simultaneous desires to hold on and to let go. Participants
 recognized that they experienced tension between their own preferences 
and the preferences of a loved one, and with that, experienced the 
tension between desiring to make decisions based on emotions versus 
making decisions based on rationality.
Dialectical contradictions have also been found among parents who have lost a child. One study
 found that two primary dialectical contradictions occurred for parents 
who had experienced the death of a child: openness-closeness, and 
presence-absence. Parents experienced openness-closeness when they 
desired to talk about their child and their loss, yet they perceived the
 outcome as risky, especially if they sensed that friends and family 
wished for the parents to move on. Participants explained that they were
 able to manage this contradiction by being selective with their 
disclosure and taking control over the communicative situation. When 
dealing with the presence-absence dialectic, bereaved parents 
experienced tensions between the ongoing bond that they experienced with
 their child, and the physical absence of the child. Participants 
expressed that when people were not willing to remember their dead 
child, the physical absence of the child was deeply felt. However, when 
people chose to remember the deceased child, the parent experienced 
feelings of comfort and continual bonding with the child. 
Understanding Autistic Communication
As relational dialects’ aim is to analyze competence during 
interaction, it can suggest an approach to researching on communication 
competence among people which are with autism spectrum disorders.
 Applying relational dialects theory to studying interactions of 
autistic individuals starts from approaching autistic individual as an 
actor during the interaction and deeming competence a result of the 
interaction. This approach
 can delve into how social contexts, expectations, and roles contribute 
to the autistics’ competent communication. The investigation of dialects
 includes integration-separation, expression-privacy, and 
stability-change enhance the understanding of the communication between 
people with autism spectrum disorders.
Dialogue
Dialogue is typically a conversation between two or more people. These 
conversations are what constitute relationships, as communication is the
 very foundation of any relationship. According to Cools, "the four 
important concepts that form the foundation of dialogism 1) the self and
 the other situated in contradictory forces, 2) unfinalizability, 3) the
 chronotope and the carnivalesque, and 4) heteroglossia and utterance".
 Similarity, in dialogue the following components are the most 
important: constitutive dialogue, utterance chains, dialectical flux, 
aesthetic moment, and critical sensibility. 
'Constitutive dialogue'
While some theorists, along with Baxter, may argue that 
communication is simply a feature in a relationship, examining 
constitutive dialogue suggests that communication is actually what 
creates and maintains a relationship instead. According to Baxter, "a 
constitutive approach to communication asks how communication defines, 
or constructs, the social world, including our selves and our personal 
relationships. From a constitutive perspective, then, persons and 
relationships are not analytically separable from communication; 
instead, communication constitutes these phenomena"
 When initial researchers studied relationships, they found that 
similarities, backgrounds, and interests are usually what hold people 
together while self-disclosure is the root of these components. Dialogic
 researchers would argue that differences are just as important as 
similarities and they are both discovered through dialogue.
'Utterance chains'
To understand utterance chains, we must know that an utterance
 is what a person says in one turn of a conversation. When utterances 
are "linked to competing discourses", they are considered utterance 
chains. Baxter believes that there are "four links on the chain where 
the struggle of competing discourses can be heard."
 These are: cultural ideologies, relational history, non-yet spoken 
response of partner or utterance, and normative evaluation of third 
party to utterance. Baxter also suggest that to understand an utterance,
 we must also understand the discourse. She posits "in the broadest 
sense, a discourse is a cultural system of meaning that circulates among
 a group's members and which makes our talk sensical. for example in the
 United States the discourse of individualism helps us to understand and
 value an utterance such as, 'I need to find myself first before I 
commit to a serious relationship with another person'".
'Dialectical flux'
A dialectical flux is "the unpredictable, unfinalizable, indeterminate nature of personal relationships".
 Relationships are complicated and intertwined with dialectical 
tensions. Spiraling inversion and segmentation are two strategies that 
Baxter and Montgomery have established to respond to this complexity. 
Spiraling inversion is generally a no-win situation; a struggle between 
two different thought processes. For example, if you were to do 
something your parents did not approve of, you could lie about it, but 
your parents might yell at you for lying. And on the other hand, you 
could tell them upfront, and they could be completely quiet in shock. 
Segmentation is pertaining to more than one role in a relationship that 
must be altered depending on the situation. For example, if you were 
working at your father's shop as a part-time job, he would be considered
 your father AND your boss. This could mean that he has different 
expectations of you in different circumstances and his attitude towards 
you might change between roles.
'Aesthetic moment'
Aesthetic moments are brief incidents in a relationship that 
bring participants together through the use of dialogue. There is a 
temporary feeling of wholeness felt between partners involved in this 
dialogue. It is easy to see examples of aesthetic moments in romantic 
relationships, such as a first kiss or a reciting of wedding vows, but 
these moments can be experienced by anyone.
'Critical sensibility'
According to Griffin, critical sensibility is "an obligation to 
critique dominant voices, especially those that suppress opposing 
viewpoints; a responsibility to advocate for those who are muted".
 This means that both sides of a dialogue are equal to one another. No 
one person is more powerful or dominant than the other, and they are 
able to communicate without these imbalances interfering. This does not 
mean that the dialogue is free of competing discourses as listed in 
Utterance Chains.
Ethics
When 
communicating, we must understand that morals do not apply for all 
people. Sometimes lying can be entirely minor in communication, but 
there are oftentimes that lying can majorly affect the perspective of 
those being lied to. There are several times where most people would 
justify a "white lie", or a lie that causes no harm. For instance, if 
your mother was in the hospital, you could tell her she still looked 
beautiful, even if her appearance was far from it because it would make 
her feel better. Other actions that are only followed through based on 
whether they have a positive or negative outcome are called 
"consequential ethics".
 According to Sissela Bok, "lies drag around an initial negative weight 
that must be factored into ethical equations". Bok believes in the 
"principle of veracity" which says that truthful statements are 
preferable to lies in the absence of special circumstances that overcome
 the negative weight.
Critiques
According to theorist Leslie Baxter, there are three major limitations in the work of relational dialectics theory.
 Baxter claims that her work has been "too distanced from naturally 
occurring talk between relating parties", and claims that the theory 
needs a firmer empirical base when applied to talk between relating 
parties. Baxter also believes that more future work needs to include 
multiple voices instead of focusing on the more popular research on the 
dialectics between "two voices". Lastly, Baxter has stated that future 
research should focus on discourse through time, such as studying 
dialogue and how it transforms over a longer period of time.