Nonviolent Communication (abbreviated NVC, also called Compassionate Communication or Collaborative Communication) is an approach to nonviolent living developed by Marshall Rosenberg beginning in the 1960s.
At its heart is a belief all human beings have capacity for
compassion and empathy. We only resort to violence or behavior harmful
to others when we do not recognize more effective strategies for meeting
needs.
Habits of thinking and speaking leading to use of violence
(social, psychological and physical) are learned through culture. NVC
theory supposes all human behavior stems from attempts to meet universal human needs. The needs
are never in conflict. Rather, conflict arises when strategies for
meeting needs clash. NVC proposes people identify shared needs, revealed
by the thoughts and feelings surrounding these needs, and collaborate
to develop strategies and make requests of each other to meet each
other's needs.
The result is interpersonal harmony and learning for future cooperation.
NVC supports change on three interconnected levels: within self,
between others, and within groups and social systems. NVC greatest
impact has been in personal development, relationships, and social
change.
NVC is ostensibly taught as a process of interpersonal
communication designed to improve compassionate connection to others.
However, due to its far-reaching impact, has many beneficial "side
effects" as a spiritual practice, as a set of values, as parenting Best
Practices, as a tool for social change, as a mediation tool, as an
educational orientation, and as a worldview.
Applications
NVC has been applied in organizational and business settings,
in parenting,
in education, in mediation, in psychotherapy, in healthcare, in addressing eating issues, in justice,
and as a basis for a children's book,
among other contexts.
Rosenberg related ways he used Nonviolent Communication in peace programs in conflict zones including Rwanda, Burundi, Nigeria, Malaysia, Indonesia, Sri Lanka, Colombia, Serbia, Croatia, Ireland, and the Middle East including the disputed West Bank.
History and development
According
to a biography of Rosenberg on the Center for Nonviolent Communication
(CNVC) website, Nonviolent Communication training evolved from his
search for a way to rapidly disseminate peacemaking skills. CNVC says
that NVC emerged from work he was doing with civil rights activists in
the early 1960s, and that during this period he also mediated between
rioting students and college administrators, and worked to peacefully
desegregate public schools in long-segregated regions.
A master's thesis by Marion Little (2008) says that the roots of
the NVC model developed in the late 1960s, when Rosenberg was working on
racial integration in schools and organizations in the Southern United States.
The earliest version of the model (observations, feelings, and
action-oriented wants) was part of a training manual Rosenberg prepared
in 1972. The model had evolved to its present form (observations,
feelings, needs and requests) by 1992. The dialog between Rosenberg and
NVC colleagues and trainers continued to influence the model, which by
the late 2000s put more emphasis on self-empathy as a key to the model's effectiveness. Another shift in emphasis, since 2000, has been the reference to the model as a process. The focus is thus less on the "steps" themselves and more on the practitioner's intentions
in speaking ("Is the intent to get others to do what one wants, or to
foster more meaningful relationships and mutual satisfaction?") in
listening ("Is the intent to prepare for what one has to say, or to
extend heartfelt, respectful attentiveness to another?") and the quality
of connection experienced with others.
Also according to Little's thesis, Rosenberg's work with Carl Rogers on research to investigate the necessary and sufficient conditions of a therapeutic relationship
was central to the development of NVC. Rogers emphasized: 1)
experiential learning, 2) "frankness about one's emotional state," 3)
the satisfaction of hearing others "in a way that resonates for them,"
4) the enriching and encouraging experience of "creative, active,
sensitive, accurate, empathic listening," 5) the "deep value of
congruence between one's own inner experience, one's conscious
awareness, and one's communication," and, subsequently, 6) the
enlivening experience of unconditionally receiving love or appreciation
and extending the same.
Little says Rosenberg was influenced by Erich Fromm, George Albee, and George Miller
to adopt a community focus in his work, moving away from clinical
psychological practice. The central ideas influencing this shift by
Rosenberg were that: (1) individual mental health depends on the social
structure of a community (Fromm), (2) therapists alone are unable to
meet the psychological needs of a community (Albee), and (3) knowledge
about human behavior will increase if psychology is freely given to the
community (Miller).
According to Little, Rosenberg's early work with children with learning disabilities shows his interest in psycholinguistics and the power of language, as well as his emphasis on collaboration.
In its initial development, the NVC model re-structured the
pupil-teacher relationship to give students greater responsibility for,
and decision-making related to, their own learning. The model has
evolved over the years to incorporate institutional power relationships
(i.e., police-citizen, boss-employee) and informal ones (i.e. man-woman,
rich-poor, adult-youth, parent-child). The ultimate aim is to develop
societal relationships based on a restorative, "partnership" paradigm and mutual respect, rather than a retributive, fear-based, "domination" paradigm.
Little also says Rosenberg identified Mahatma Gandhi
as an inspiration for the NVC model, and that Rosenberg's goal was to
develop a practical process for interaction rooted in the philosophy of Ahimsa, which Little translates as "the overflowing love that arises when all ill-will, anger, and hate have subsided from the heart."
In order to show the differences between communication styles,
Rosenberg started to use two animals. Violent communication was
represented by the carnivorous Jackal as a symbol of aggression and
especially dominance. The herbivorous Giraffe on the other hand,
represented his NVC strategy. The Giraffe was chosen as symbol for NVC
as its long neck is supposed to show the clear-sighted speaker, being
aware of his fellow speakers' reactions; and because the Giraffe has a
large heart, representing the compassionate side of NVC. In his courses
he tended to use these animals in order to make the differences in
communication clearer to the audience.
Overview
Nonviolent Communication holds that most conflicts between individuals or groups arise from miscommunication about their human needs, due to coercive or manipulative language that aims to induce fear, guilt, shame,
etc. These "violent" modes of communication, when used during a
conflict, divert the attention of the participants away from clarifying
their needs, their feelings, their perceptions, and their requests, thus
perpetuating the conflict.
Marshall Rosenberg, the founder of Nonviolent Communication,
published numerous training materials to help in efforts to bring about
radical social change.
He was concerned with transforming the "gangs and domination
structures" through the method he called "ask, ask, ask". He suggested
social change activists could focus on gaining access to those in power
in order to "ask, ask, ask" for changes that will make life better for
all including the powerful. He wrote about the need for the protective use of force, distinguishing it from the punitive use of force.
Assumptions
Two NVC trainers characterize the assumptions underlying NVC as follows:
- All human beings share the same needs
- Our world offers sufficient resources for meeting everyone's basic needs
- All actions are attempts to meet needs
- Feelings point to needs being met or unmet
- All human beings have the capacity for compassion
- Human beings enjoy giving
- Human beings meet needs through interdependent relationships
- Human beings change
- Choice is internal
- The most direct path to peace is through self-connection
Intentions
The trainers also say that practicing NVC involves having the following intentions:
- Open-hearted living
- Self-compassion
- Expressing from the heart
- Receiving with compassion
- Prioritizing connection
- Moving beyond "right" and "wrong" to using needs-based assessments
- Choice, responsibility, peace
- Taking responsibility for our feelings
- Taking responsibility for our actions
- Living in peace with unmet needs
- Increasing capacity for meeting needs
- Increasing capacity for meeting the present moment
- Sharing power (partnership)
- Caring equally for everyone's needs
- Using force minimally and to protect rather than to educate, punish, or get what we want without agreement
Communication that blocks compassion
Rosenberg says that certain ways of communicating tend to alienate people from the experience of compassion:
- Moralistic judgments implying wrongness or badness on the part of people who don't act in harmony with our values. Blame, insults, put-downs, labels, criticisms, comparisons, and diagnoses are all said to be forms of judgment. (Moralistic judgments are not to be confused with value judgments as to the qualities we value.) The use of moralistic judgments is characterized as an impersonal way of expressing oneself that does not require one to reveal what is going on inside of oneself. This way of speaking is said to have the result that "Our attention is focused on classifying, analyzing, and determining levels of wrongness rather than on what we and others need and are not getting."
- Demands that implicitly or explicitly threaten listeners with blame or punishment if they fail to comply.
- Denial of responsibility via language that obscures awareness of personal responsibility. It is said that we deny responsibility for our actions when we attribute their cause to: vague impersonal forces ("I had to"); our condition, diagnosis, personal or psychological history; the actions of others; the dictates of authority; group pressure; institutional policy, rules, and regulations; gender roles, social roles, or age roles; or uncontrollable impulses.
- Making comparisons between people.
- A premise of deserving, that certain actions merit reward while others merit punishment.
Four components
Rosenberg invites NVC practitioners to focus attention on four components:
- Observation: the facts (what we are seeing, hearing, or touching) as distinct from our evaluation of meaning and significance. NVC discourages static generalizations. It is said that "When we combine observation with evaluation others are apt to hear criticism and resist what we are saying." Instead, a focus on observations specific to time and context is recommended.
- Feelings: emotions or sensations, free of thought and story. These are to be distinguished from thoughts (e.g., "I feel I didn't get a fair deal") and from words colloquially used as feelings but which convey what we think we are (e.g., "inadequate"), how we think others are evaluating us (e.g., "unimportant"), or what we think others are doing to us (e.g., "misunderstood", "ignored"). Feelings are said to reflect whether we are experiencing our needs as met or unmet. Identifying feelings is said to allow us to more easily connect with one another, and "Allowing ourselves to be vulnerable by expressing our feelings can help resolve conflicts."
- Needs: universal human needs, as distinct from particular strategies for meeting needs. It is posited that "Everything we do is in service of our needs."
- Request: request for a specific action, free of demand. Requests are distinguished from demands in that one is open to hearing a response of "no" without this triggering an attempt to force the matter. If one makes a request and receives a "no" it is recommended not that one give up, but that one empathize with what is preventing the other person from saying "yes," before deciding how to continue the conversation. It is recommended that requests use clear, positive, concrete action language.
Modes
There are three primary modes of application of NVC:
- Self-empathy involves compassionately connecting with what is going on inside us. This may involve, without blame, noticing the thoughts and judgments we are having, noticing our feelings, and most critically, connecting to the needs that are affecting us.
- Receiving empathically, in NVC, involves "connection with what's alive in the other person and what would make life wonderful for them... It's not an understanding of the head where we just mentally understand what another person says... Empathic connection is an understanding of the heart in which we see the beauty in the other person, the divine energy in the other person, the life that's alive in them... It doesn't mean we have to feel the same feelings as the other person. That's sympathy, when we feel sad that another person is upset. It doesn't mean we have the same feelings; it means we are with the other person... If you're mentally trying to understand the other person, you're not present with them." Empathy involves "emptying the mind and listening with our whole being." NVC suggests that however the other person expresses themselves, we focus on listening for the underlying observations, feelings, needs, and requests. It is suggested that it can be useful to reflect a paraphrase of what another person has said, highlighting the NVC components implicit in their message, such as the feelings and needs you guess they may be expressing.
- Expressing honestly, in NVC, is likely to involve expressing an observation, feeling, need, and request. An observation may be omitted if the context of the conversation is clear. A feeling might be omitted if there is sufficient connection already, or the context is one where naming a feeling isn't likely to contribute to connection. It is said that naming a need in addition to a feeling makes it less likely that people will think you are making them responsible for your feeling. Similarly, it is said that making a request in addition to naming a need makes it less likely that people will infer a vague demand that they address your need. The components are thought to work together synergistically. According to NVC trainer Bob Wentworth, "an observation sets the context, feelings support connection and getting out of our heads, needs support connection and identify what is important, and a request clarifies what sort of response you might enjoy. Using these components together minimizes the chances of people getting lost in potentially disconnecting speculation about what you want from them and why."
Research
As of
2008, NVC was said to lack significant "longitudinal analytical
research," and few studies had evaluated the effectiveness of NVC
training programs.
There had been little discussion of NVC in academic contexts, and most
evidence for the effectiveness of NVC was said to be anecdotal or based
on theoretical support. Since that time, the number of publications
reporting research on NVC has more than doubled.
Carme Juncadella produced a systematic review of research as of 2013 related to the impact of NVC on the development of empathy.
She found 13 studies which met her inclusion criteria (three were
published in peer reviewed journals; ten were unpublished theses or
researcher reports). Eleven of these suggested an increase in empathy
subsequent to the application of NVC (five of these with evidence of
statistical significance) and two did not. Juncadella notes several
shortcomings of her review. None of the studies she included were
randomized and only three used validated instruments. As a result she
used a narrative synthesis review format, which, "lacks precision," but
allows the summarization of studies of different types, sizes, outcome
measures and aims. She suggests the primary limitation of her review is
that a number of relevant studies exist that could not be included due
to lack of availability. She suggests these might have significantly
altered her results. Finally, she includes the following caveat: "I must
mention the inevitable subjectivity bias present throughout the whole
review. In spite of the efforts made towards 'disciplined
subjectivity'... my decisions show a degree of uncertainty and
inaccuracy born via the tension between the weak evidence of the studies
and my own convictions about the NVC model." Her overall assessment of
the current research on NVC's efficacy in promoting the development of
empathy is that the results are promising, but "would need to be
confirmed with further studies bearing stronger designs and more
appropriate measures." She notes that a major shortcoming of the
existing research is the "mismatch between the constructs of the model
and the validated empathy measures" and suggests that improved
instruments need to be developed to adequately test NVC.
As of 2017, fifteen master's theses and doctoral dissertations
are known to have tested the model on sample sizes of 108 or smaller and
generally have found the model to be effective.
Allan Rohlfs, who first met Rosenberg in 1972 and was a founder
of the Center for Nonviolent Communication, in 2011 explained a paucity
of academic literature as follows:
Virtually all conflict resolution programs have an academic setting as their foundation and therefore have empirical studies by graduate students assessing their efficacy. NVC is remarkable for its roots. Marshall Rosenberg, Ph.D. (clinical psychology, U of Wisconsin) comes from a full time private practice in clinical psychology and consultation, never an academic post. NVC, his creation, is entirely a grassroots organization and never had until recently any foundation nor grant monies, on the contrary funded 100% from trainings which were offered in public workshops around the world. ... Empirical data is now coming slowly as independent researchers find their own funding to conduct and publish empirical studies with peer review.
Richard Bowers' master's thesis (2012), updated to book form by Bowers and Moffett (2012),
asserts that NVC has been absent from academic programs due to a lack
of research into the theoretical basis for the model and lack of
research on the reliability of positive results. Bowers' thesis meets
the first objection through an analysis of existing theories which
provide solid support for each element of the NVC (mediation) model.
Without this theoretical understanding, it would not be clear what
aspects of the NVC model make it work or even if it can be effectively
applied by anyone other than Marshall Rosenberg. This theoretical
analysis can provide a foundation for further empirical research on the
effectiveness and reliability of the model.
Connor and Wentworth examined the impact of 6-months of NVC training and coaching on 23 executives in a Fortune 100
corporation. A variety of benefits were reported, including
"conversations and meetings were notably more efficient, with issues
being resolved in 50-80 percent less time."
NVC has reportedly been an element of a bundle of interventions that produced dramatic changes in forensic psychiatric nursing
settings in which a high level of violence is the norm. NVC was
adopted, in combination with other interventions, in an effort to reduce
violence. The interventions were said to reduce key violence indicators
by 90 percent over a three-year period in a medium security unit, and by around 50 percent in a single year in a maximum security unit.
A 2014 study examined the effects of combined NVC and mindfulness training on 885 male inmates of the Monroe Correctional Complex in Monroe, Washington.
The training was found to reduce recidivism from 37% to 21%, and the
training was estimated as having saved the state $5 million per year in
reduced incarceration costs. The training was found to increase
equanimity, decrease anger, and lead to abilities to take responsibility
for one's feelings, express empathy, and to make requests without
imposing demands.
NVC has also been reported as effective in reducing domestic
violence. Male participants who graduated from an NVC-based batterer
intervention program in California had zero percent recidivism within 5
years, according to the relevant District Attorneys' offices. The news
report contrasted this with a recidivism rate of 40 percent within 5
years as reported by the Domestic Abuse Intervention Project for
graduates of their batterer intervention program based on the Duluth Model, said to previously offer the lowest known domestic violence recidivism rate.
Bowers and Moffett
provide a thoughtful study of the important role of empathy and human
needs in mediation through the development of a theoretical model to
explain the effectiveness of NVC mediation. The authors present theories
of human needs and the basis for a common core of needs. They discuss
theories that explain the importance of understanding human needs in the
context of conflict resolution. They clearly distinguish core human
needs from interests (strategies) and how focusing on needs is a
paradigm shift in the field of conflict resolution. Further, Bowers and
Moffett present theories of empathy
from the pioneering work of Carl Rogers, Heinz Kohut,
and others. Empathy is distinguished from sympathy and active
listening, pointing out how the word empathy is often confused in the
literature by using it interchangeably with these other two terms. They
also examine stage theories of the development of empathy as well as
constructive-developmental theories related to empathy.
Some recent research appears to validate the existence of universal human needs.
Relationship to spirituality
As Theresa Latini notes, "Rosenberg understands NVC to be a fundamentally spiritual practice." Marshall Rosenberg describes the influence of his spiritual life on the development and practice of NVC:
I think it is important that people see that spirituality is at the base of Nonviolent Communication, and that they learn the mechanics of the process with that in mind. It's really a spiritual practice that I am trying to show as a way of life. Even though we don't mention this, people get seduced by the practice. Even if they practice this as a mechanical technique, they start to experience things between themselves and other people they weren't able to experience before. So eventually they come to the spirituality of the process. They begin to see that it's more than a communication process and realize it's really an attempt to manifest a certain spirituality.
Rosenberg further states that he developed NVC as a way to "get conscious of" what he calls the "Beloved Divine Energy".
Some Christians have found NVC to be complementary to their Christian faith.
Many people have found Nonviolent Communication to be very complementary to Buddhism, both in theory and in manifesting Buddhist ideals in practice.
Relationship to other models
Marion Little examines theoretical frameworks related to NVC. The influential interest-based model for conflict resolution, negotiation, and mediation developed by Fisher, Ury, and Patton at the Harvard Negotiation Project and at the Program on Negotiation in the 1980s appears to have some conceptual overlap with NVC, although neither model references the other. Little suggests The Gordon Model for Effective Relationships
(1970) as a likely precursor to both NVC and interest-based
negotiation, based on conceptual similarities, if not any direct
evidence of a connection. Like Rosenberg, Gordon had worked with Carl Rogers, so the models' similarities may reflect common influences.
Suzanne Jones sees a substantive difference between active listening
as originated by Gordon and empathic listening as recommended by
Rosenberg, insofar as active listening involves a specific step of
reflecting what a speaker said to let them know you are listening,
whereas empathic listening involves an ongoing process of listening with
both heart and mind and being fully present to the other's experience,
with an aim of comprehending and empathizing with the needs of the
other, the meaning of the experience for that person.
Gert Danielsen and Havva Kök both note an overlap between the
premises of NVC and those of Human Needs Theory (HNT), an academic model
for understanding the sources of conflict and designing conflict
resolution processes, with the idea that "Violence occurs when certain
individuals or groups do not see any other way to meet their need, or
when they need understanding, respect and consideration for their
needs."
Chapman Flack sees an overlap between what Rosenberg advocates and critical thinking, especially Bertrand Russell's formulation uniting kindness and clear thinking.
Martha Lasley sees similarities with the Focused Conversation Method developed by the Institute of Cultural Affairs (ICA), with NVC's observations, feelings, needs, and requests components relating to FCM's objective, reflective, interpretive, and decisional stages.
Responses
Several
researchers have attempted a thorough evaluation of criticisms and
weaknesses of NVC and assessed significant challenges in its
application.
These span a range of potential problems, from the practical to the
theoretical, and include concerns gathered from study participants and
researchers.
The difficulty of using NVC as well as the dangers of misuse are common concerns. In addition, Bitschnau and Flack
find a paradoxical potential for violence in the use of NVC, occasioned
by its unskilled use. Bitschnau further suggests that the use of NVC is
unlikely to allow everyone to express their feelings and have their
needs met in real life as this would require inordinate time, patience
and discipline. Those who are skilled in the use of NVC may become
prejudiced against those who are not and prefer to converse only among
themselves.
Oboth suggests that people might hide their feelings in the process of empathy, subverting the nonviolence of communication.
The massive investment of time and effort in learning to use NVC has been noted by a number of researchers.
Chapman Flack, in reviewing a training video by Rosenberg, finds
the presentation of key ideas "spell-binding" and the anecdotes
"humbling and inspiring", notes the "beauty of his work", and his
"adroitly doing fine attentive thinking" when interacting with his
audience. Yet Flack wonders what to make of aspects of Rosenberg's
presentation, such as his apparent "dim view of the place for thinking"
and his building on Walter Wink's
account of the origins of our way of thinking. To Flack, some elements
of what Rosenberg says seem like pat answers at odds with the
challenging and complex picture of human nature history, literature, and
art offer.
Flack notes a distinction between the "strong sense" of
Nonviolent Communication as a virtue that is possible with care and
attention, and the "weak sense," a mimicry of this born of ego and
haste. The strong sense offers a language to examine one's thinking and
actions, support understanding, bring one's best to the community, and
honor one's emotions. In the weak sense, one may take the language as
rules and use these to score debating points, label others for political
gain, or insist that others express themselves in this way. Though
concerned that some of what Rosenberg says could lead to the weak sense,
Flack sees evidence confirming that Rosenberg understands the strong
sense in practice. Rosenberg's work with workshop attendees demonstrates
"the real thing." Yet Flack warns that "the temptation of the weak
sense will not be absent." As an antidote, Flack advises, "Be
conservative in what you do, be liberal in what you accept from others,"
(also known as the robustness principle) and guard against the "metamorphosis of nonviolent communication into subtle violence done in its name."
Ellen Gorsevski, assessing Rosenberg's book, Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Compassion
(1999) in the context of geopolitical rhetoric, states that "the
relative strength of the individual is vastly overestimated while the
key issue of structural violence is almost completely ignored."
PuddleDancer Press reports that NVC has been endorsed by a variety of public figures.
Sven Hartenstein has created a series of cartoons spoofing NVC.
Reportedly, one of the first acts of Satya Nadella when he became CEO of Microsoft in 2014 was to ask top company executives to read Rosenberg's book, Nonviolent Communication.
Organizations
The Center for Nonviolent Communication (CNVC), founded by Marshall Rosenberg, has trademarked the terms NVC, Nonviolent Communication and Compassionate Communication, among other terms, for clarity and branding purposes.
CNVC certifies trainers who wish to teach NVC in a manner aligned with CNVC's understanding of the NVC process. CNVC also offers trainings by certified trainers.
Some trainings in Nonviolent Communication are offered by
trainers sponsored by organizations considered as allied with, but
having no formal relationship with, the Center for Nonviolent
Communication founded by Marshall Rosenberg. Some of these trainings are announced through CNVC. Numerous NVC organizations have sprung up around the world, many with regional focuses.